Last night we held a bonfire. If you remember from my very first post, Oklahoma was hit with an ice storm several weeks back. It paralyzed many of our cities; ours was one of them. Every weekend since that time–if I’m not traveling–Richard and I have chopped wood, piled branches and trees, and swept the ground for thousands of small twigs. Something that all of our neighbors in the entire community are doing as well.

Last night my son-in-law, Josh, my daughter, Melissa, my daughter, Leslie, and her fiance, Stephen, drove in to hang out with us. We promised them a BIG bonfire. What I didn’t realize is the fire that this night would start inside of me. . .

I also promised homemade chili and cornbread, and hotdogs and s’mores cooked over the fire. It’s spring here in Oklahoma. Tulips and phlox and daffodils abound, and the weather is just the right temp at night for a fire.

My in-laws heard that there was a party at the Eller house, so they stopped what they were doing and traveled across town to join us. My son is skiing with friends, but he called, torn because he’s having an amazing time, but when he heard we were having a bonfire and family night, he wanted to be there too.

The food was a hit. The bonfire was nearly 20 feet tall. We laughed as we stood outside and told stories. Music played in the background and it was just the right touch. The stars overhead blanketed the sky.

And then I looked around. . .

And I was transported back to a time I barely remember.

When I was a little girl my family was messed up, broken, shattered even. There was love in the home, but it got lost in the chaos. I remember sitting on the curb once, wanting to run away, not knowing where to go, wishing that I could have a “normal” family. I didn’t want to face what was inside, so I remained on the curb. I was only 13. Where do you go when you don’t have money or a safe place to run?

I didn’t pray at that time because I didn’t believe in God. My reasoning was that if there was a higher being he had skipped over the home of 7856 E. Latimer Place.

Shortly after that, I discovered that God was real and that I mattered to him. It was a slow and loving journey, my Heavenly Father showing me that my life was of value. Though nothing changed at home, everything begin to change on the inside of me.

I begin to pray for was normalcy. “God, one day let me have a happy family.” It was more than a longing; it was a cry from the center of my being.

So, last night standing under the stars, blanketed in the laughter of my children, warmed by the presence of a grown child who had walked up behind me and wrapped me in her arms, it struck me how fully that prayer had been answered.

And I started to cry again–just like the time I sat on the curb, wordless tears that no one could see. . .

Except this time they were tears of joy.

Suzie Eller (T. Suzanne)

Visit Suzie's Website