Don’t read if you don’t want to be depressed. This is so crazy that I have to see what others think.
A few months ago, a 15 year-old boy killed his mom, dad, and two brothers - his whole family. Just shot and killed them while they slept in their family home. Then he left and went back to his friend’s home to play video games and spend the night. He hung out all day. He had a friend run him home so he could run in and get something. His friend waited in the car. He ran in the house and acted as though he was witnessing the mess for the first time. He then ran out and told his friend that someone had killed his dad. After the police were called they found the whole family dead in their beds. SICK! He confessed. He’s in jail standing trial. He was almost an Eagle Scout. Teachers and kids liked him - neighbors, the same. He played sports at his public school. He appeared as your average American youth on the right track. He was from an upper-middle class family. His dad was a lawyer in a well respected firm. Mom was a stay-at-home mother.
Last week, a 16 year-old boy killed his mom with a baseball bat after arguing about bad grades. He hid her in their garage. The dad came home from work and he tried to kill him too, but Dad got away and called the police. That’s when they found his wife in the garage. He was a great student. He was an only child. Both of his parents worked. He attended a rather exclusive private school. Teachers and students liked him. A neighbor stated that his parents kept a tight reign on him.
Here’s a link:
http://wjz.com/local/lewin.powell.2.724860.html
I am sickened and puzzled by this. Can anyone shed light on why our kids are becoming so damn violent? And yes, they are our kids…
15 Comments
Hi Dotsie,
In the last two weeks in our community we have had 4 bomb threats at our schools. 1 high school (started it) and then copycats in the 2 middle schools and even an elemetary school. All started with a kid wanting a day off of school. So just SKIP school, call in sick, something other than a stupid bomb threat. I don’t understand this violent mentality, but I think it is a desensitivation that has been accomplished with movies, video games, and just a much more complacent view of the value of life. Our kids are frustrated with our “strict” standards about what movies they see and what video games they are allowed to play. I just get more and more frustrated with the other parents in the neighborhood that don’t think anything about taking young kids to see PG-13 and even R rated movies. Our son is 14 and we have just now allowed him to see the Lord of the Rings trilogy. When those came out a neighbor took his 7 yr old to see them. I just don’t get it!
Karin
Karin, I recall the bomb threats at our local high school. Our son was a senior and spent several days on the high school parking lot and fields without a coat while the police and ogs searched the building. How sad.
Your frustration with other parents is why it’s important to have a circle of friends with the same beliefs. It makes parenting easier when a group of parents are trying to parent the same way. It gets harder as they get older and their circle of friends broadens. I’m grateful my youngest is 19! Stay true to your beliefs. Your kids will benefit in the end.
Dotsie - I think there are two issues we tend to overlook when we see the violence. I’m in the midst of dealing with a volatile 19 yr old son myself, so I’ve searched deep for answers. One is lack of respect - many of this generation have NO respect for anyone about anything. I take my share of the blame for not raising my son to respect me - or for perhaps not earning his respect - but others influenced him along the way, too. And then the movies, video games, music all play a role in diminishing respect for others and especially self-respect.
I also know part of the problem is spiritual. My son has been called to the ministry, and he is fighting it with every ounce of his being. Because of his call, and because of souls already saved when he first started working his call, the enemy attacks doubly hard, with force. I think the enemy is on the prowl rampantly in this country, and we need to be on guard against him, for ourselves, and for our families like never before.
May God give us the wisdom we need to deal with this generation and those to come, so that He may be glorified through it all.
Great point. We do have an enemy who is alive and well.
Praying your son’s attitude changes soon. And also for you as you continue to do your part in parenting him.
It would be wonderful if there were a straight-forward answer. I could write a book on this, but it’s important to understand that we are ripe for a paradigm shift in current culture. I wish I could say it starts with teens, because that takes the pressure off of me as an adult, but it begins with us. I’ll hopefully comment more later, but am deep in work at the moment.
Suz, I totally agree that it begins with us. We have somehow robbed them - of exactly what, I’m not sure, but I think it alls boils down to feeling loved! People who love and feel loved don’t do these things.
I also think people avoid kids who are different (even though these two kids did not appear to be different). This is wrong. Kids who appear different need just as much love and attention as others.
I don’t know if this is the answer, but I think it touches on it anyway…It seems in our culture we are busy, busy, busy, doing, running, providing, stuff, stuff, stuff, and we don’t just connect with our children. We don’t take the time to just be…be together, be a family, eat a meal unhurried, have a complete conversation….Over time, that has to cost something, doesn’t it?
Many of you know my newest book is, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents. I specifically included a chapter in the book titled, “But Deep Down He’s Really a Good Kid.” This chapter looks at the issue of what psychologists now call, “Antisocial Personality Disorder.” In years past, the term was “Sociopathic Personality.”
I agree with Suze, it would be wonderful if a straightforward answer were possible. Alas, there are just too many variables to this complex issue. Yet in all of my research on why some of our children become violent, I began to see a common denominator…parents who were unable or unwilling, to recognize and admit that who and what their children used to be is not what they are now. Many times, a gap in reality and expectation started very early in the parenting dynamic. Many of our children are emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, socially, and spiritually stunted. However, many parents are unable or unwilling to see that. I must echo what Tracy said, there is also a key component at work when it comes to a Christian parent—we must acknowledge the reality and powerful influence of evil. As Christians, we must understand Satan’s ability to corrupt and destroy a human life. We must also understand though the devil may seem to be winning, the battle is still the Lord’s.
Julie, I totally agree. Our pace is too fast for the children.
Allison, thanks for the thought provoking response. I am well aware of parents living in a dream world about their children. In this day and age, you’d think getting psychiatric help was acceptable. I don’t find that’s always the case.
The devil hates our children and he wants them. We are in a spiritual war for the minds and hearts of our children. We have to remember, God was a perfect Father in the garden (He is STILL a perfect Father!) and His children chose to disobey.
I am mystified myself at how good parents can have kids that make bad choices. But the truth is, we are all human, and we are not perfect. If God, Who is perfect, has children who disobey, then we need to realize that if our kids make right choices, it is by the grace of God, and not by our own doing.
Your last sentence resonates with me. It’s right on! THanks for your response.
Lack of QUALITY and QUANTITY of time is top on my list. Kids need to interact with both parents and really get to know who they are… from both sides of the relationship. Kids need to see/experience their parents’ faith as something REAL and not just a Sunday social time.
Second, I would have to say shows (that I love) like CSI and Criminal Minds are a bad influence on developing minds. My children are grown, but I think these kinds of shows sensationalize and glamorize sick, sinful, unacceptable behavior. Not to mention, all the Xbox games, etc. that seem to deaden their senses to the reality of death.
Satan is very suttle. He doesn’t have to work so hard, if we allow him to have more time influencing our children than we choose to have.
I pray for my kids daily - that God watches over them and guides their paths to be in line with his will for their lives. Who better to watch over them than the creator?
Theresa, your post gets back to the hurried pace we live. Time is valuable, and time sent with our youth is essential. You are so right!
I agree with the comments above as things that contribute to the decline in the values of our children. One thing I think of, too, though is what some may call an old-fashioned term. I believe our children are not taught to “fear” God. Because God has been taken away in our schools and culture, kids do not see that they are accountable to anyone, anything, and especially not God.
I was raised with a healthy fear of God and taught that I would be accountable for every action I did on earth. And that one day I would stand before Him and “give an account.” Today, I do not believe our children have a healthy fear of God.
I was also taught that I was also very loved and valued by God, and He had a special purpose for my life. I not only “feared God”, but I also knew His love for me was everlasting. I knew my life had purpose and meaning. Sometimes I believe that our kids are floundering because they wonder what life is all about. They have no purpose and direction, and sadly, no knowledge of God.
I also think we need some of those old-fashioned values back - like simple living, moms at home more, church on Sunday, and a strong community of friends and family. Many of these are also missing.
We desperately need to bring God back into the culture. We are losing too many of our children.