Yesterday, when my husband left to play a little tennis, I plopped myself in a comfy chair on the patio, propped up my feet, and plunked on the midlife reading glasses. With the Sunday paper and a few other publications I’ve been meaning to get to, I was set. Bliss. With ice water to my left, dog curled on the stone to my right, I was ready to escape. I rarely take time to read the whole paper. I was in great spirits.
An article about a new HBO series caught my eye. Due to explicit nudity and brash conversations about sexuality, Tell Me You Love Me is the latest controversial show. The writer is happy with the story line because she believes her message of working things out in a relationship, and not splitting, is conveyed beautifully. Knowing it was going to be risqué, I chose to appreciate her message and check out the show. I’m all for keeping couple together.
Now this is another rarity. I never watch TV. I can’t tell you a show I watched in its entirety this whole summer.
Sonny boy went up to watch football on the TV in his room, while hubby sat next to me on the sofa to watch a girly show. Nice gesture.
I won’t tell you explicit details, but I will share that I will never watch again. The show reminded me a bit of 20 Something from years ago, but was over the top in regard to sexuality. Several couples share the intricacies of their lives.
You see the married couple reading to their kids at night, on the ball field, eating breakfast, etc. - all the typical stuff. You don’t see them making love because they haven’t in a year. However, you do see him taking care of his own sexuality…if you know what I mean. His wife witnesses this through a cracked door. He didn’t know she was watching.
Then there’s the couple going through infertility, coming and going to work, and at the mother-in-law’s having dinner and then having sex in the next room while everyone’s still at the table. You see them at the doctors, therapists, trying to make a baby, etc.
The engaged couple is shown arguing or making love most of the time - whenever, wherever.
There is also a married, boomer woman therapist who appears to have the healthiest sex life in her marriage. I liked that concept.
Unfortunately, the nudity was too much. I don’t care to see people making love any and which way. I really don’t. Seeing nudity on TV is bad enough, but watching couples having sex - not sure they were all making love - was a bit over the top for this boomer broad. And I’m not a prude. I really don’t think I am. I’ve been married to the love of my life for 28 years and have a happy, healthy sex life. But that doesn’t mean I want to see what’s going on behind closed doors with other people. I was taught that sex is a personal intimacy between you and your husband. I prefer it that way.
I can here Mom saying, “They leave nothing to the imagination.” And Mom, I couldn’t agree more. Absolutely NOTHING was left to the imagination. I’m not sure why television writers have to go to such extremes to get their point across.
While I no longer have little ones at home, I still feel for the people who do. The show was on HBO at 9:00. Can you imagine plopping on the sofa with your 11 year-old and watching people having sex right before your very eyes?
Did anyone else see the show? Help! Is it just me who thinks bringing this kind of crap into the home is wrong?
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I haven’t seen the show, but it sounds like soft porn. I think these shows are creeping up to the line and purposely stepping over it. Another show that has gone overboard with nudity is Nip Tuck. I worry about the upcoming generations and how seeing all this will affect their moral compass.
No, it’s definitely not only you, Dotsie. Many years ago as a single mom, I cancelled the cable subscription because I came home for lunch one day and flipped on the TV. I ran across a “porn” station, that advertises itself as a music station, realized then and there that my own boys could have just as easily flipped to that channel during the middle of the day, and I got rid of the crap.
Now, years later, remarried, boys grown, we have satellite. When the TV’s on, we mostly watch westerns, food, or home improvement shows - and of course college football - but most of the rest of it is pure junk. I haven’t watched network tv in almost three years!
There was a report just this week - I can’t recall where I saw it - about TV “getting away with” more and more nudity, sex, and violence. If my kids were small, I’d probably not have a TV at all.
I’m not a prude either - far from it - but having “agendas” shoved down my throat by way of television does affect all of us, and it does change that moral compass that Jan mentioned. In fact, after having some discussions with my younger son - who’s been “out in the world” a bit more than I’d ever imagined - I’m not sure there’s much of a compass left at all for this younger generation.
Jan and Tracy, I’m with you about future generations. It’s way too much, too soon. If it wasn’t for sports, I could chuck all the TVs in the house. The sad part is, if you want certain sport’s channels, you have to take some of the other junk that goes with the package deal. Another issue is the internet. They can watch anything and everything on the internet.
Dotsie, this “prude” or should I say, “prudent” mom and wife is going to take this subject a step further. I may step on some toes, but so be it. Sometimes it takes a few bruised toes to walk right.
We just rented a movie the other night when my niece and her 3 college friends visited for a family picnic. The girls are from a Christian college, my husband and our family all have professed our faith in Christ. Bottom line, I’m concerned about our T.V., movie viewing habits as Christians.
The movie was a PG-13, (should be okay, right), but it included a “love scene” that even though it didn’t show nudity, drove across this point: “It’s okay to have sex outside the marriage relationship just as long as it feels right.”
What does God have to say about it? Lots. I left the room and did not watch the rest of the movie, but later I spoke with my husband and son and then the girls the next morning (they slept over night at Grandmom’s house nearby).
I prayerfully considered what to say. I didn’t want to storm in and say, “That was terrible! Don’t ever watch that junk again!” I know how I reacted once when someone said that about the types of books I was reading as a teenager (and yes, they were right, but the delivery was harsh).
Basically I said, “Girls, I so wanted the girl in the movie last night to not marry that awful man. I wanted her to fall in love with the young guy that was her friend from childhood (they couldn’t see each other because her family was rich, his poor) and get married and live happily ever after. But they did it wrong. They followed their passions and didn’t follow what God has designed for sex. When we go outside God’s boundaries it affects us physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sex is a great thing, but we need to follow God’s guidelines for a happy and fulfilled life. Anything outside of that will lead to a miserable, broken life…”
I talked with them about how watching these types of things that go against God’s Word chip away at our own morality, even once you’re married (I know it weakened mine for a time) and that we will begin to make bad choices that lead to a ruined life. God doesn’t want that for us. He wants so much more for us, a better way.
So I propose this question: “As Christians, what should we be watching?” I challenge us as Believers in a Holy God to evaluate our T.V. choices against the Bible, the best T.V. guide in the whole world.
We choose not to have cable, but my kids still see movies at other people’s houses. And network TV has plenty o’ crap–so we’re careful about what we watch. We love Extreme Makeover Home Edition, but we won’t watch “makeover” shows involving plastic surgery.
The other night we watched “Meet the Fockers” with Ben Stiller. My kids said, “oh, I love this movie!” they’d seen it before. It’s very funny, but definitely does not have a Christian message about sex. But I had a good talk with my daughter tonight about the values that it portrays. Rather than, “should we be watching this?” or “this is terrible!” I think we should talk to our kids about “what do you think the person who made this movie thinks about sex before marriage? How did they communicate that idea? What is God’s way? Why does he say we should wait until we’re married to have sex, do you think? Is he trying to spoil our fun, or does he have our best interests at heart?”
My mom was very restrictive about movies and TV, which was good in some ways, but I’ve chosen to let my kids watch some things, knowing they will have to discuss it. Knowing they have to have a little chat about it after sometimes takes away the allure!
Now, there are limits, of course. That’s why no cable, for one thing. And I have to approve movies they get a Blockbuster.
I want them to think critically about the culture that surrounds them, not hide from it. (because, try as you might, you can’t hide from it) When their friends talk about movies, I want my daughter to say “I think that movie demeans women” (or some other intelligent critique) rather than “I’m not allowed to watch that movie.” Because as we talk about these things, I am encouraging her to make good choices about what she watches (and what she does), rather than always making those choices for her.
Keri and Suzi, I like your style. We need to be in the world, but not of it. Kids need to have these conversations with loved ones. It gives them a leg to stand on when their friends talk about these issues.
I don’t know if any of you subscribe to Today’s Christian Woman, but I wrote an article this month (Sep/Oct issue) called the Rise of Raunch, and its effect on our girls, and on us as well. A lot of our young women are accepting far less than any other generation in the area of relationships. Part of that is that they are seen as sexual before they are seen as intelligent or beautiful inside or ambitious or a world-changer. It’s a cultural shift, and something we do need to talk about as women. It’s not prudish to say “hey, this doesn’t seem to be doing our girls a service; in fact, there is a lot of harm going on, so let’s have a dialogue about it.”
My two cents,
Suzie Eller
I have to add that I read Suz’s article and it is awesome. Very well written and defines the issue clearly, but challenges the reader to think for herself. Well done, Suz.
One thing I try to do with my 13-year-old daughter is to compliment her on her skills and gifts, on making good choices, as well as her looks. Ever since she was little I’ve used the phrase “I really like the way you….” When she was little, I completed it with …put away your toys” and now maybe it’s “…chose to be kind to so-and-so” or “…got your big project done on time by doing it in little bits each night.”
I try to name specifically her strengths–intelligence, leadership, etc. when I see them displayed. (which, in my unbiased opinion, is all the time!)
I also had her read Suz’s article so we could talk about it.
Suze, I read your article also and thought it was great. Women, especially teen girls, today get less respect because they expect less.
I agree with Keri - talking about the not-so-great stuff in movies and on TV is critical to helping shape young people’s world view. Doesn’t mean you expose them unnecessarily bu they are going to be confronted with it and they need to be guided in how to think about what they see and hear.
Keri, seems we took the same parenting classes. I STILL use “I” messages with my kids. It’s second nature. I actually taught the parenting class at our church many years ago and am so grateful our church made parent education a priority when my family was young. Come to think of it, there are no longer parenting classes at our church. I need to mention that to our adult ed team.
You gals should read the book Female Chauvinist Pigs. Suz, maybe you read it. The subtitle has Rise of Raunch in it. I no longer get Today’s Christian Woman, but I’ll look for it at the store.
Here’s a review I wrote about it:
Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture, by Ariel Levy, 2005. Free Press, Simon and Schuster New York
Reviewed by Dotsie Bregel
I often look at the younger generation of girls and wonder why they dress and carry on the way they do. What messages are they sending about how women in America portray themselves? If you find yourself wondering the same, this book is for you.
There is nothing to be proud of with the explicit messages magazines, movies and shows like Girls Gone Wild are constantly feeding female youth. As a boomer woman who recalls the fight for women’s rights, I’m proud of how far we’ve come in some regards, but am stifled by the distance we still must travel to dispel the image of women as sex symbols. When did it become cool to lift your shirt and bare all to crowds of guys, or share erotic performances while guys literally lay back and reap the benefits? All of the sudden everyone’s a Playboy Bunny to the max. It’s surprising that girls are trying to “suck up” to guys. I’m afraid it’s too hard for girls to opt out of the sexuality role expected. How can we convince our girls that this behavior is twisted?
Ariel Levy is gutsy, brilliant and forthright with her take on how and why all of this is taking place. It’s alarming when you read the truth about messages being sent to our girls on a daily basis. I recommend this book to women regardless of age. Perhaps if younger generations read it, they will see how ridiculous and out of control this behavior has become. And hopefully the older women will read to see what part we can take in making the necessary changes that promote healthier images for younger women.
Link to Amazon cover:
http://www.amazon.com/Female-Chauvinist-Pigs-Raunch-Culture/dp/0743284283/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-8286111-6907936?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1182178343&sr=1-1
Reviewer:
Dotsie Bregel is the Founder of the National Association of Baby Boomer Women, http://www.nabbw.com, and Boomer Women Speak, http://www.boomerwomenspeak.com, the number one site on all search engines for “baby boomer women.” Dotsie established the association, the only one dedicated to serving the healthiest, wealthiest, and best educated group of women to reach midlife, to support and encourage women to live their dreams. She is a writer, speaker, and expert on issues concerning her generation of women. Dotsie is passionate about educating and empowering midlife women through her wildly successful Web sites. She can be contacted at dots@nabbw.com or 1-877-bboomer.
I quote her in the article, Dotsie. I think her book was the reason the editors titled my article, “The Rise of Raunch”. She brings up many excellent points in her book.
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