Eighteen months ago we added a new son to our family. No one ever told me that I would love Josh as much as my own children. No one ever told me that being a mother-in-law was just as sacred a role as mom, but that I would need new skill sets. That being a mother-in-law means learning how to love, let go, and yet be there all at the same time.

This past week in the midst of an ice storm we received news! My beautiful daughter, Leslie, is engaged to Stephen. Another son. Another set of skill sets. Another person to add to my heart.

This is the deal, however. My girls don’t believe that mom needs a lot of advance warning. Josh and Melissa gave us four and a half months. Seems like a short turnaround, doesn’t it? But Leslie and Stephen think we did such a great job with Mel and Josh, that they’ve decided to get married in three months and two weeks. Ayee!

Weddings and engagements and changing family structure is definitely a boomer topic. Let’s talk about the issues you and I experience when we hear those words, “Mom, I’m engaged!”.

(This is one Chicken Soup Story from that time in our lives.)

So when they asked that question, “Was I stressed?”. My response was, “No way”. For I was blessed to be able to watch my daughter, a grown woman, walk into her new husband’s arms.

Now that Leslie and Stephen are engaged, I have made the same commitment. This will be a sacred and FUN event. From the first day, I will choose to be happy, choose to relax, and choose to see this event through Leslie and Stephen’s eyes.

3. They can be confusing
What about wedding etiquette? Who pays for what? What is appropriate?

This can be tricky as some allow bridegrooms and bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses or tuxes and expenses. Some parents of grooms are able to contribute. Some aren’t in the picture. What is the right thing to do?

It’s important to talk about these issues from the beginning. We plan to pay for most of the bridesmaids dresses. One of the girls is flying in for the wedding. Others are driving great distances. As grad students, they are on a tight budget. We won’t ask them to sacrifice more to be a part of Leslie’s wedding.

We consulted books and websites and talked about who pays what, sensitive to the fact that not everything is carved in stone.

Leslie and I set down and I shared a budget. I have watched Leslie and Stephen falling in love. I knew it was the real deal, so I have been tucking away money from my speaking and from my royalties for several months, knowing that an engagement would be announced at any moment: Surprise!

4. They can be expensive

What I saved is not huge, but it’s enough.

Giving Leslie a specific budget helps her to know how to plan. We opened a wedding account and I placed a sum in there and we both have debit cards. She is proving resourceful. She found a beautiful wedding dress that would normally cost a pretty penny, but she found a bridal shop that will custom create it at a fraction of the cost. She’s leading the way to find the best at little out-of-the-way boutiques that are inexpensive and offer dresses and tuxes at an affordable rate. We found Christmas lights at 75% off and loaded up! We found vases and candles at 90% off at one store. Another bonanza!

5. They can be time-consuming

Our biggest obstacle is the time. This is why I always HOPE I’ll be given a date in advance. I will be traveling out of state and out of the country for five weeks before the big event. So my 14 weeks to plan with her is whittled to nine. Somewhere in there I need to market books, write my assignments, mentor through 2010 (I’m a community mentor to freshman girls), and prepare to speak at Hearts at Home in Illinois, attend a writers’ conference in Mount Hermon, and speak in Germany, Austria, and Hungary in April, and keep my house clean because it is for sale (another blog, another day).

I can do this? Right, ladies? Take a deep breath, Suzie. We are going to have fun! : )

Prioritizing will become very important. Though I cannot cancel speaking engagements with contracts firmly in place, I can prioritize in other areas. I sent a quick e-mail to my publishers and said, “no more proposals until after May”. I am looking at my life and viewing what is crucial and what can be set aside for a moment. It’s surprising the number of things that I do that really don’t matter as much as I thought. They can hold until the end of May.

I will recognize the importance of this day in my daughter’s life. There will be times that she wants to share details (like today) and I’ll listen. There will be times I’d rather stay home and veg than go to another wedding show, but I’ll choose the joy of hanging out with Leslie instead (and free cake!).

I promise to keep in touch about the big day. There may be days I send out a post that says, “pray for the Eller family”, or days when I view a moment that cannot be captured on film, but rather in my heart and we’ll celebrate together. I’ll take pictures and invite you to be a part of our joy.

As I close today, I hear the familiar sounds of a beautiful song: Here comes the bride. . .

and she’s my little girl.

Visit Suzie's Website