Happy Mother’s Day
Many of you know that my only son is currently serving a four-year sentence in a state prison in Minnesota. As awful as this may sound, the fact is that God is moving in an amazing way in the heart and soul of Christopher. God is also bringing a new level of peace and joy to my heart as well. I can’t count the number of past Mother’s Day weekends that I spent in pain over the choices my son was making. Or, in fear, wondering where my son was – if he was even alive.
Today, there is restoration happening in each of our hearts, as well as in our relationship as mother/son.
That’s why I’d like to share something very personal with you today. I know I’m not alone when I speak of being a mother with a broken heart. Many moms’ and dad’s are hurting from negative choices their children are making. To add insult to injury, many of us are making our own negative choices in response to the poor choices our kids are making. A vicious cycle that must stop. I stopped the cycle in my life. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t without pain. It still hurts. But I guarantee you that had I not established firm and loving boundaries and put a stop to the part I was playing in perpetuating my son’s negative choices and behavior, things would have spiraled even more out-of-control than they already were.
My newest book is titled, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents. In it, I share the 6-Steps to SANITY that helped me to change my life. And, as I changed my life, my son began miraculously to change his as well. Today, he is “physically” in prison, but his spirit and heart are no longer in bondage. Today, he is “spiritually” free! Today, he is free from addictions that once controlled him. Today, he is free from the hold Satan had on his heart and soul. Today, he is walking closer to the Lord than ever.
Parents in pain, take heed! If your child has strayed far from you—and from the Lord—healing is possible! Don’t give up on them. Don’t give up on yourself. We can’t change our kids, but we can change ourselves. That’s what I had to do first, change myself. Only then was my son able to see the part that he alone played in the drama that was his life.
That said, I would like to share a poem with you today. This is the first poem my son has ever written to me. He is 36 years old. My only child. He wrote it in prison and sent it to me this past week for Mother’s Day. I’ve copied it verbatim, no editing on my part whatsoever. If this isn’t restoration-in-progress, I don’t know what is. To me, this exhibits a step in the right direction for a young man who once blamed everyone else for his circumstances and problems.
Once again, parents in pain, take heed! God can do amazing things in the life of our loved ones. If we step back, get out of the way, and allow God to do what God does best.
To You
By Christopher J. Smith
© 2008
To you Mom, this is true there is only one and that one is you.
I’m sorry for the things I did I should have listened when you said reach for your goals and your dreams and the stars and not for money, girls, and fast cars.
But I did not listen, so now I must pay sitting behind these walls made of granite and clay.
Topped with razor wire these walls are quite high like a bald eagle, I wish I could fly.
Up and over these walls I would soar then, start a new life and that is for sure.
But I can’t fly though I wish that I could so, I’ll do my time and learn my lesson for good.
So, let’s not ponder let’s choose to move on because life’s too short and it’s not very long.
And when I come out from inside this place I know I will live in God’s redeeming Grace.
I’ll never put you through this hell again and I’ll be the best son you’ll be proud of me then.
So I wrote this poem especially for you, Mom and this sure is true there is only one
and that one is you.
10 Comments
Wow, After reading this, there is hope in his life again. I bet this was very impowering for you to receive this Mothers Day.
Allison, I know the sadness of missing your son, but as you have said, there is nothing that you can do, as he is responsible for his previous actions. Just as we are as Moms, are now responsible for our parenting actions today and in the past. Life does go on, but not with some heartache along the way. I found what he wrote to be so down to earth and very powering for him to write this. Happy Mothers Day Allison!
Allison, thanks so much for sharing this part of your life with others. Wanted to let you know that a week or two ago I recommended your book to a friend who has been faced with extremely difficult years with her son. She just got a copy of the book and is beginning to read it. Also, just this week, her son has made steps back to the Lord so please pray with us that God will protect him from the evil one’s attempts to get him to fall back into old habits. Pray that her son will stay close to God and truly change his ways this time. I don’t feel like I should share names, but the Lord knows their names. Thanks!
Allison - what a blessing this Mother’s Day. I’ll continue to keep all of you in my prayers. May God continue to work in Christoper’s life, and continue to bless your ministry as you share your journey.
Oh Allison,
Thank you for sharing that very private poem with all of us; it doesn’t get any better than that. As bittersweet as this Mother’s Day may seem, there is a redeeming grace! What a blessed gift you have received.
HUGS!
Allison, thank you for opening your heart and sharing your pain, your life, your love, your revelation and now ultimately, your heart’s desire come true, your son’s deliverance by the grace of God.
I can only imagine your heart skipping for joy and lifted up in praise because God has, once again, shown His glory, His majesty and His power to save to the utmost.
Your son’s poem is a wonderful and obviously, heartfelt tribute to you. And he seems to share your gift for writing.
Happy Mother’s Day Allison.
Thank-you for sharing so honestly and openly. Many parents need your message. I always have to remind myself that God was a perfect Father, but His children in the garden still made the wrong choice. It has been a hard lesson for me to learn, but I am working hard to move forward!
Allison, I’m guessing this is one of your favorite writings ever. Cherish it and look for more to follow. God’s at work within your son’s heart. I predict great things for your future together with him. Imagine the hearts he will be able to change with his story. ALL things work for good for those who love Him and live according to His word.
Thanks for allowing us to share in your heartache and your joy.
Precious Allison - St Helena’s was so blessed to have you speak @ our very first “Sisters of Grace” luncheon this Mother’s Day weekend. As you signed my copy of “Setting Boundaries”, I shared my struggles with my 33-yr old daughter. Your hugs and tears were such a balm to my broken heart. I read the entire book that Saturday and may I say, it was the best Mother’s Day gift (to myself) ever. God bless you and your son - you will always be in my prayers.
Dear Allison,
Thank you for sharing the latest news about Christopher and his personal message. You know he has been in our prayers over the years, and it is wonderful to know that he is doing so much better…thanks be to God. Blessings, Ginger