“Unless you have something nice to say, dont’ say it at all.” These are words I grew up with. Mom didn’t exactly say for us to encourage one another, but she did tell us not to say anything if we couldn’t be encouraging or kind.
I hope my kids will recall one of my sayings to be, “Encourage one another. Build each other up.”
While tailgating with my son and his friends before the Raven’s game yesterday, I can assure you, they weren’t living by my words. They are brutal with one another, and they say it’s all in fun. They pick and laugh and carry on. But I’ve always been told that behind every bit of sarcasm is a piece of the truth.
The young twenty-somethings seem to take pleasure in pointing out one another’s faults and laughing about it. Well, at least that’s how I see it. But when I talk to my son, he says they aren’t serious. It’s all a joke. They’re just having a good time. And trust me, they’re funny when they do this. I laugh in spite of the cuts and jabs because they’ve known each other since they were in elementary school and grew up in one another’s homes. They know their strengths and weaknesses. But I feel like I shouldn’t be laughing because all I’m doing is encouraging their behaviour.
I began thinking about women and how we communicate. It’s rare that we say, “Remember the time you made that cake and it flopped and we basically ate mush for dessert? That was awful. What the heck were you thinking” Or, “You couldn’t serve a lick that day. You stunk. No wonder we lost.”
I don’t know about you, but I don’t communicate with my friends like that. We play nicey nice, but every now and then, we might joke about something stupid one of us did in the past.
Is it maturity on our part, maybe immaturity on theirs? Do I take it too seriously? Have I gotten too literal in my middle age? What do you do when you observe kids picking on each other, even when it’s suppose to be all in fun? Or are my young adults the only ones who carry on like this?
4 Comments
A huge portion of my close friends (due to ministry) are twentysomethings, and you are absolutely right. I don’t see it as unkind or rude–unless the motivation behind it is. But I don’t do it, because it’s not me.
When Josh (my SIL), Melissa (my daughter), and their best friends, who are also our friends because of serving in ministry together for nearly three years to twentysomethings, get on a roll, I love to watch the friendly jesting interaction. I know that they love each other. They would literally give all to protect and care for each other. This is just their way.
The most difficult part for me is to be in public and my kids start up, playing with me. “Shh,” I’ll say. “People are going to think you are serious.”
But on the inside I love that they feel so comfortable with me that they feel free to play, and I’m included.
Suz, thanks for responding. It is fun for them, and they are having a great time when they carry on like this, but I guess I’m sensitive.
I appreciate your comment about you not doing it because it isn’t you. This is where I stand. And if I do cross the line and jump in, they’re llike, “Oh, check out Mrs B.”
I tend to mirror people’s personalities. For me, this is most noticeable in church where I see many different types of people in a very short period of time. There are some people who seem to be very introverted. With these people, I do not go out of my way to draw them out. Perhaps I should do more of that, but I do not. There are some people who are very serious. It is not that they are introverted, but they come across as being much more serious. With them I am quite serious. Then there are those people who seem to love a playful banter. With them it is a give and take.
There is one lady in our church that I tease about being short, among other things. If I learned that she baked a cake that flopped then I would consider it fair game. If the situation called for it, I might say something like, “you can’t even bake a cake without if flopping.” There are several other people to whom I would say similar things, but with others, you perhaps, I would not. The difference is in how they respond. There are some people who would be embarrassed if I made fun of them, but there are others who will laugh and give it right back to me. For me, it is much easier to develop a friendship with people who can laugh at themselves. Granted, I am not a woman and women may interact with a man in a different way than they do with other women, but I have seen the interactions of some women that appears to have some of the same playfulness to it.
As for maturity level, I see the ability to laugh at one’s self as being a sign of maturity. That ability is a requirment to have this playful interaction. Children and many teenagers have a hard time laughing at their own mistakes. When they reach the point that they can see the humor in what they have done then it is a sign that they are growing up. It never hurts to have a good friend who will point out those mistakes for a good laugh.
Even that can be a form of encouragement. By pointing out a friend’s mistakes for the fun of it, the friend realizes that you want to spend time with him, even though you know about his mistakes and problems.
Hey Timothy, thanks for the response. Treating others the way it feels appropriate for each individual seems like the right way to act.
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