I will share pictures of the wedding as soon as I have them. I promise! But today I want to talk about date night. Do you have one? 
Several years ago I realized that my relationship with my lover, my friend, the guy who rocked my world when I met him, was awash in duties and tasks and day-to-day details such as bills and taking care of children. The romance was a sweet memory. I was often tired when I saw that desire in his eyes, and he was often away when I felt a faint stirring reminding me that I was more than just the woman who worked to bring in part of the income, or mom who snuggled with her children. We tried to overcome that, because I really dig this guy, you know?
Suz, you’re talking about that on BBR? Really? Yeah, really.
Rekindling romance is a dilemma that is not a stranger among boomer women.
And then I met Jill Savage. We were on a speaking trip in Austria about five years ago, and she started telling me about an article printed in a magazine about her and her pastor husband. It was story shared from her book, “Is There Sex After Kids?”. At least, it was a story that was in the rough draft, a story that she removed before publication, but that the magazine picked up out of the galleys.
She and Mark had created a date afternoon. Every Friday at 3 p.m. they closed out the world and shared a couple of hours of romance. That might mean time in the hot tub, or just hanging out talking about their love for each other, or it might mean uninterrupted, leisurely sex.
Imagine when that article appeared in a national publication, and their congregation appeared in church the next Sunday. “What are you doing this week at 3?” one might have asked with a grin. “I”ll call you Friday. Wait, check that. You’ll be busy!” another might have said.
While sharing that information with the whole world was a little embarrassing, it also triggered a huge response. People really did want to reignite the romance with their spouse.
As did I. I left Austria and began our own date night. It’s Thursday. We don’t go out, but we do go “in” as we shut out the world. I look forward to each Thursday. My grown children know that if they call on Thursday after 5:30, they can leave a message. If it’s an emergency they can call the home phone instead of the cell and we’ll hear their message (but that’s never happened). My friends know that Thursday night is “date night” and they don’t call, or ask if I want to hang out. If there is a function (and there always is), I say no.
Our tradition is to go to Subway and pick up our favorite sandwiches and three macademia nut cookies (to share), watch one favorite show, usually Survivor, and spend time doing something that we haven’t been able to do all week, like ride our horses, or sit out in the hammock and talk, or play a game of ping pong.
That doesn’t sound like anything romantic, Suzie!
You see, it is. Because by the end of the evening, everything that crowds into our relationship–the worries about if Richard attending school full-time for right now is wise financially, or the fact that my beautiful daughter just moved to another state, or the news that one of my books isn’t available again because of a glitch with a publisher–fades away.
And our relationship fades back into the picture.
We don’t go out because that means inviting people into the date night. That works for us. It’s the three S’s: Subway, Survivor, and really great sex at the end of the evening. It’s not that we don’t have impetuous times together, or that sex or our love is confined to Thursday, but I know that every Thursday that we will have an uninterrupted evening. I know that we both have to work to protect that night, to preserve it for each other, and I know the renewed intimacy that has sparked because of it.
Can you believe that I’m talking about this? Well, I think we need to as Boomer women. Because we are busier than ever. And that affects every aspect of our lives.
On a deeper level, it affects our children. Both of my married daughters (Melissa married two years, Leslie married 10 days) have implemented a date night in their new marriages. I love that! I hope that it will be one of the factors that will keep their love fresh through the next 50 years, and right now through the complexities and demands of law and grad school, and later through diapers, and the teen years, and difficulties or challenges of life.
So, what about you. Date night, anyone?
Suzie Eller
10 Comments
Just today I was thinking my husband and I need to do something like this. We’re pathetic; we don’t even have kids (not necessarily by choice) and yet we always seem to be running in the opposite direction. We both love to fish and yet we haven’t done so in several years and that’s one way we’ve really connected in the past. I think I’m going to suggest we start making time for a date night regularly. Thanks for the encouragement.
Hi Dianne, Keep in touch. I hope that this is a fun and intimate time for you and your hubby.
We may have to start our own date night - our empty nest will no longer be empty as of Tuesday. Our younger son is coming home for a time. While we’re both happy he’ll be here, we’re already thinking of how our lives will change.
One way we connect daily (and I can’t believe I’m sharing this, but it’s special to us and Suzie started it!) - we shower together at night before going to bed. It allows us to shut off the world - no phones, tvs, computers - and focus on each other completely.
Wonderful post!
This is a great post, one that all married people should read. Suzie, one of the things we’ve always done to keep our love alive is one nighters. Even when the kids were little, we would get away for one night alone at least once or twice a year. We’ve even stayed at a hotel that is walking distance to our home just to get a little break in the action. The kids were either farmed out to friends, or a grandparent would come and take over our duties. The kids loved it as much as we did. Now that our kids are older and our nest was empty during this school year, I am so grateful we made our marriage a priority. We still love and honor one another, and try to out-do each other with kindness. Congrats ot you and your honey. Your love pours through your post.
Suze:
I LOVE that you’re talking about this here at BBR - IT’S VERY APPROPRIATE! Thanks for your willingness to be so open with us - believe me, it’s appreciated. Our date nights (or days) are usually spent doing some type of household chore or yard work (with 25 acres there is always a lot of yard work) but I’m finding it more and more vital to get away from the “work” and to simply “play.” Thanks for the gentle kick in the pants, you are one seriously rockin’ boomer babe! - Allison Bottke PS: WAITING PATIENTLY FOR THE WEDDING PICS!
I just wanted to say to all of you, I am really enjoying reading your stories. I am loving the Boomer Babes sites and blogs! It is inspiring me! In fact I have probably spent a little too much time doing this tonight. Oh, what the heck, I don’t have to work tomorrow!
Thanks,
Gerri Beckerman
Hi Gerri, Allison, Dotsie and Tracy, When I first wrote this, I wondered if it would be too hot of a topic for BBR. Not for me, as I think this is a much-needed topic, but I’m grateful to hear your responses. Intimacy with our spouses can be hard to come by, or perhaps there are challenges or struggles due to years of busyness or taking care of family, work, etc. I’ve learned to fight hard for the things that I hope for in my life, but also found that I can take for granted the things that are already in place, like Richard. Date night helps me appreciate him, and our relationship.
I’m a little late in my comments (sorry!), but I totally agree! We’ve been married 31 years and it hasn’t been a piece of cake (more like Eva Marie’s Keebler cookies!). We went through the five-year “itch” after Bible College when I woke up one day and thought, “Who is this man?” Again, after a breast cancer diagnosis–more trauma! And just recently within the past two years…the empty-nest syndrome. The hardest part is to keep working on it. Date “nights” are now our “afternoons” (every Wednesday!), and wait until you see the place we go (absolutely free!), and it’s “paradise.” Mark has to drag me back to the car, kicking and screaming! Yep! It works…those date “nights”! Thanks for sharing, Suz. Are you kidding…it was totally appropriate (and much needed–I might add!).
Hugs to you!
Connie
52YR2j Hello Perdun! Google.
Sorry, but what is mariburjeka?
Jane.