One thing I love about this blog is that those of us who contribute to it have widely varied perspectives. We may not seem that diverse from our photos and our on-line profiles. Okay, we look like a bunch of privileged, white, middle-aged church ladies, not to put too fine a point on it. Okay, very hip church ladies, maybe. But believe me, not all Christians think the same on everything, and that is true of this group.
A case in point:
Here’s an opinion posted earlier this week on this blog: “Fathers are ultimately responsible for the spiritual and physical lives of his wife and children and Christ is over him. Women’s lib might tell us to baulk at this thought, but personally I don’t want to be standing in a man’s shoes before the throne.”
I know this is a popular Christian viewpoint, but it is not the only Christian viewpoint on this issue. If you get nothing else, hear me on this: thinking and sincere Christians can disagree on certain issues, including this one.
So here’s my response to this viewpoint. What if, hypothetically, there were a girl? She grew up in a Christian home, raised by Christian parents who both prayed for her and tried to raise her right, as best they could.
And what if that nice Christian girl grew up and married a good Christian man, who gave it his best shot, being a good husband. Suppose he prayed, tried to guide and even lead his wife, tried to be a loving and kind husband? What if that woman decided to reject the faith she was raised in, and to walk out on the marriage, or to join a cult, or to rob a bank? Or, worse, what if she decided that looking the part of the “good Christian wife” and “not rocking the boat” were more important than risking enough to follow the God-given dreams that lay hidden in her soul, or speaking the truth in her heart? (Which to me, would be more tragic and also a sin in God’s eyes–to “bury her talent”).
Is her husband, or her dad, going to have to stand before God and take the blame? If that’s true, then do women have any moral responsibility at all? Or can we women just say—“well, if I don’t grow spiritually, or make poor moral choices, it’s not my fault. It’s my father’s, it’s my husband’s. He screwed up so I’m not responsible.” I don’t think that the Bible says that.
Each person is responsible for their own spiritual and physical life. One day, I will stand before the throne and the only intermediary I will have is Jesus himself. And because I’ve accepted his offer of eternal life, I will be welcomed. But also, I will be asked what I did with what God gave me—my time, my resources, my talents. To whom much is given, much is required.
I have been given much, including a great husband. And while my husband and I are to encourage and help each other, what I do with what God’s given me is ultimately up to me. My spiritual life, and the growth that comes from obeying God, is my responsibility, not my husband’s. He may influence my choices, pray for me, even provide opportunities for me to develop and use those God-given gifts. I value his wisdom and perspective, I respect his ideas. And it’s mutual: he values my wisdom and perspective, asks for my opinion.
God’s ideal for marriage is that both partners would encourage and help and submit to one another. The picture is not one of hierarchy, but mutuality. Jesus served the church, but the church also serves Jesus. It’s called mutual submission, and that’s what any Christian relationship, including marriage, ought to look like.
Keri Wyatt Kent

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