Sunday was my mother’s birthday. She turned 70. She is the mom of 5, grandmother to 11, wife of 48 years to Jim.

I, and two of my siblings and three grandchildren, surprised mom by showing up at her church. Or at least it was supposed to be a surprise. One of the siblings forgot it was a surprise and let the cat out of the bag. But mom pretended, and it was great fun.

Mom cried all the way through church. I thought it sweet that the service moved her so, especially since the topic was finances.

She confessed later that she cried because she was surrounded by family, and it felt good. Mom looked great. She’s always been a beauty.

But this weekend she said that she feels her age for the first time. She showed me her hands. Large, red bony nodules have appeared on her hands. Mom loves to paint, to sew, all the things I’m not good at, and her hands are her tools.

My father is 73. He was badly in need of a haircut this weekend. Dad has worn a comb-over and a bushy mustache my whole life. I used to have to tell prospective dates and friends, “don’t stare at my dad’s hair” because I knew they would look and giggle. But it’s always been neat and in place. This weekend he looked shaggy.

“Dad, you need a haircut,” I said, as I tugged at the chicken tail on the back of his head.

He grinned and bopped me on the arm.

I still think he’s handsome.

My dad is shrinking. He gets smaller each time I see him. I wonder if one day he will fit in my pocket.

His mother was 83 when she went to Heaven. She was about 4′ nothing and weighed about 75 pounds. I am guessing this is genetic.

He bear hugged me, and called me “babes”, and I loved it. You see, dad inherited me at 9 months old, and Vicci at 4 when he married mom. He’s color blind (really) and he’s also sibling-blind. He sees all 5 of us in the same shades of love.

As I drove home Sunday night I thought about the changes I saw in mom and dad. They seem more pronounced each time I visit. Another boomer issue, but this is one I don’t really want to face. My parents are aging, and I worry about them. I’m not the only one. Mindy (my sister) and I talked about it after they left. It weighs heavy on both of us.

As I drove down Highway 51 I let my thoughts run: Crime is up in their part of the city. Mom’s hands. Dad’s bum shoulder. Mom’s asthma. Dad leaving mom alone too much. Mom’s driving! Dad’s lack of safety when doing things like trimming trees. . .

And then I thought about  recent lunch I had with my girls. We were eating Tex-Mex and I started to take a small bite of queso, something I normally avoid because cheese and I aren’t best friends.

“Do you think you should eat that?” said one daughter.

My other daughter reached over and gently nudged it away. “That will hurt your stomach.”

Are you kidding me?

I laughed. “Girls, what are you doing? I’m pretty sure I know what to eat and how to take care of myself. I’ve been doing it for a while now.”

My tone was gentle, and I didn’t make a big deal of it or say anything else, but I didn’t like it and they knew it.

The thing is that my parents haven’t invited me to carry their burdens, or worry about them, or to fuss over them as if they aren’t independent and can think and act on their own. But at the same time they are talking about writing their will, making sure I know of their wishes in gory detail–just in case, they say–and visiting the doctor a lot more often, and telling me about their aches and pains.

Where is the balance? What is offensive, and what assures them? It’s a conversation I need to have with both mom and dad, because I promise you the answers will be very different. Dad is super independent and mom would love nothing more than to build a little house right behind me and nest by her chickies for the rest of her life.

So, Boomers, I want to hear your stories. Tell me what you are doing in this sensitive area of being a boomer daughter of aging parents. I know my parents are young compared to many, but I also see this as a coming issue in my relationship with mom and dad.

I read a few articles on the topic, and want to share them with you. I don’t agree with everything, but it is food for thought:

Baby Boomers Value Caring More for Aging Parents than Previous Generation

Many worry about being able to care for relatives in the future - USA Today

Becoming “parent” of your parent is emotionally wrenching process - USA Today

Ten Tips for Baby Boomers on interacting with aging parents - Senior Journal

Thanks for dropping by,

Suzie, who is winging her way to San Diego today to speak. (I hope to check back in on Monday to see your posts!)

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